Shakespeare's Final Words

This goes to one of the best that ever lived who we lost 2 years ago on December 30, 2007. RIP A.D.
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This past week I spent 90 minutes of my life watching one of the weirdest movies I’ve ever seen, “Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium”. Have you ever sat down and started watching something and although it wasn’t entertaining or exciting in any way, you just kept watching it? Sometimes amusement comes TOO easily. Anyways…once the end of this movie comes around, this scene takes place and Mr. Magorium has this grand exit saying:

“When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written ‘He dies’. That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is ‘He dies’. It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with ‘He dies’. And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words ‘He dies’, but because of the life we saw prior to the words.”

“He dies”. That’s it. Although I have never read remotely anything close to Shakespeare, I really got a grasp on this. From every book I’ve read that carries a story with one of the main characters dying, they give this triumphant exit, describing every movement, every word from the character. They describe the setting in extreme detail down to the most obscure of points. And for what? To give people the closest feeling they possibly can get to actually being there in person watching it happen?

Unfortunately more of the same is true for reality. When the moment comes that you see someone pass or that you hear that a family member or close friend has died, more times than none you remember where you were, what you were doing and other small details around you at that exact moment. In a way, dwelling on the moment that Shakespeare sums up as the two words, “He dies”.

Death is a mysterious thing. No one knows what is to come, or if anything is to come once it happens. We are all titled to what we believe in and what we believe is to happen once our time comes. No one knows when it comes, no one knows how it will happen. It, many times, brings tragedy, but in many other instances brings complete euphoria. We all have our own ways of dealing with the passing of people around us, and this grasp that I got on these two simple words speaks so much on the matter.

Why should Shakespeare (or anyone else for that matter) sit on the death of someone by describing it through several pages? “He dies” is all it takes. Who would ever want to be remembered for the way they died and not for what they accomplished in life? When someone reads “He dies” in a piece of literature, probably the first thing that comes to mind is, “That’s it? No big ending? Or finale?” Unfortunately it’s not the most stunning work, but it’s the best that can be written.

The achievements in a person’s life can put anything into perspective for even a complete stranger to understand. It’s how we interact with each other, through personality, materialistic style or human moral. Ultimately, it’s what Shakespeare wanted all along, for the reader to not remember the death, but to remember the person that death happened to.

Life is a beautiful thing. I could easily get all mushy with the details, but I’ll refrain from that. Yet, what a person’s life can entail can be filled with stories you could never believe. The great thing about every story is that they’re all different. Every single story has a different point of view describing the wonder of time and what happened during it. It gives new meaning to each person who walks this Earth. Now, no one said every story was the most interesting out of the box, but to those who knew the one who passed, those stories mean that much more regardless of the “entertainment level”. It’s reminiscing of the pages before the final two words, “He dies”…the beauty of history and of life itself. No one remembered George Washington for his death and no one remembered Rosa Parks for hers. Neither should anyone else, but rather they should be celebrated for what they had done prior to that fact.

So when someone asks what became of a certain person, relate their life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest, they died. And even though it is completely normal to feel saddened by the loss of someone, don’t feel it because of the words "He dies”, but because of the life we saw prior to the words.

Now if all my golden moments could be rolled into one,
They would shine just like the sun for a summer day.
And after it was over, we could have it back again.
With credit to the editor for striking out the rain very clean.
And all it really needed was the proper point of view.

No one's gonna bring me down, no one's gonna stop me now.

Now I gathered up my sorrows and I sold them all for gold,
and I gathered up the gold and I threw it all away.
It all went for a good time and a song, come on.
The laughter was like music, it did float my soul along for a while.
And all it really needed was the proper point of view.

No one's gonna reach me here, no one's gonna know I'm gone.

You may think I might be crazy and I guess you might be right,
but I know the way I feel today is out of sight.
I do not trust your senses to remember your name.
Without corrective lenses, things are never twice the same anyway.
And all it really needed was the proper point of view.

No one's gonna bring me down, no one's gonna stop me now.
No one's gonna reach me here, no one's gonna know I'm gone.

Drive

Drive. Driven. However you want to say it. It's something I've always questioned about people. I've talked to people who have it all planned out as far as what they're going to do in life and I've talked to people who are much older than me and still talk of plans of doing what they dream yet they make no commitment towards it...something that just doesn't make sense. Here are these people who I guess you could say talk the talk but don't walk the walk, and for what reason?

There are plenty of quotes out there that people live by, like the "Life is too short, so live it to the fullest" or "Take every day as a blessing because you never know when it will be your last". To be honest, those two speak leaps and bounds of the drive people have. Taking the bigger things that they don't realize are that big, which are being taken for granted. All of this could really be taken back into the "What Ifs?" and what if we knew how much time we had, but that's irrelevant. Which would you rather do? Sit around and "give it time" to finish things you'd like to do in life? Or actually go out and do something about it, taking control of the situation at hand? Hopefully it's the latter, but it's the one thing I've always realized. What makes us feel like doing nothing with our lives is a good idea?

A good example, if not the best example of this is college...which may be why this bothers me that much, but anyways...

Every year thousands upon millions of students begin their college lives around the world. Most have it together, but what about the ones that don't? The ones that get distracted maybe by the freedom of being off by themselves or feeling as if they don't need to give it a lot of thought because it'll be easy. Throwing in that some of those people who do have their lives planned out already or say that they're going to do something and never do. I could go on for days, upon weeks, upon months just asking why? If it were all THAT easy like some people make it out to be, we'd all be billionaires by now, ESPN would have a million more employees, and even TMZ wouldn't be able to keep up with all the celebrities. Life wasn't made to be an easy road by any means. It's one thing watching people who have already accomplished their goals in life, but to believe that following that same path is possible is ridiculous. At the end of the road would you rather say you took the path someone already laid out for you or to say you accomplished what you did your own way?

One of my good friends lives not by a quote but by a short poem by Robert Frost called "The Road Not Taken"

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I — I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.

Any time you ask them why they feel so strongly about this poem, it's the same reply of, "It's only a choice". For years I thought he just meant it's his choice to have that be a large part of his life, until I read it again and saw what he meant. It leads into that whole "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence", but who says it's always the right decision? Maybe it will get you into that comfort zone where you would be content with life, but does it hold what you really want in life? That one thing you grew up imagining you would be when you grew up. Would taking the easy way out just be another way of doing nothing about saying you want to do something certain with your life and losing the drive you once had?

This could easily go on and on with questions for who knows how long, but it all really boils down to a question of how driven are you to get where you want to be and do the things in life you want to get done? But all in all, nobody said it was easy, so go out, enjoy it, live it to the fullest and along the way, learn to appreciate not only the things you already do, but the things that you overlook as you get to where you want to be.

Half way around the world lies the one thing that you want
Buried in the ground, hundreds of miles down
The first thing that arises in your mind when you awake
Is bending you 'til you break, let me hold you now

Baby close your eyes, don't open 'til the morning light
Baby don't forget, we haven't lost it all yet

Don't know what you're made of 'til the one thing that you want
Is coming with the dawn and suddenly changes
The Monday syndicate meets everyone the same
All we've lost to the flame, listen to me now

Baby close your eyes, don't open 'til the morning light
Don't ever forget, we haven't lost it all yet
All we know for sure is all that we are fighting for
Baby, don't forget we haven't lost it all yet

Someday when this is over
We may still have no answer
For now it's when I hold her
We are closer, we are closer

Baby, close your eyes, don't open 'til the morning light
Don't ever forget, we haven't lost it all yet
All we know for sure is all that we are fighting for
Baby, don't forget we haven't lost it all yet

We haven't lost it all yet
We are closer, we are closer

Defying the Odds

Chances, odds and risks. Most of the time, the only place you’ll ever hear those kinds of things is when you’re losing hundreds of dollars in Vegas. But what about in everyday life? Defying the odds of something you would 9,999,999.99 times out of 10,000,000 expect to happen. When you think of a lot of these kinds of situations, it’s usually good things. But then again the same goes with situations you wouldn’t even want to wish upon someone else or nonetheless want yourself to go through.

These situations could be anything from the most casual to the most serious. Like when will the next perfect game be thrown in the big leagues? The doctor gives a loved one 3 months, what’s the possibility that 3 months turns out to be say…3 or 4 years? They all have happened and will happen time and time again, but the rarity of them is another story.

The reason I bring this all up, and on more of a personal level, is that today I believed one of those moments happened. Some could call it a bend on divine intervention, fate or just coincidence. Now I could sit here and explain the entire situation that is going on currently, but I’ll save that for another day. For around 10-15 minutes today, I had a conversation I know I’m not going to forget for a long, long time. It started off like any other I’ve ever had with this person, asking how they are doing, them asking me how I’m enjoying school (regardless of the season) and basically how is everything else going with life (nothing out of the ordinary…just what I expected). Except this time around, it took a little twist.

Given a timeframe of life by some doctor, they lean over and say, “You know…you never really tell me more than what’s going on with school and work. Let’s talk about something else since there’s a chance this might not happen too often.” Now first thought after hearing that is something I basically just don’t want to believe or even think of for that split second. So we begin to talk.

Getting into aspirations of what I want to do with life, where I see myself down the road from where I currently am, the response I would get in return before another question was a smile. No words. Like the friend you always look for that will sit there no matter what and listen to what you have to say. So we talk briefly about the future, have I been keeping myself up to good standards and if I’ve met any “pretty” girls. It was one of those conversations you just can’t help but smile the whole way through and enjoy so much 10 minutes seems like it was 80 (In the best way possible). And then the words of advice as I’m about to leave…

“You know after all these years, I still feel like there is time to be patient with how things will go. For as young as you are, take your time. Make sure you do good and admit your mistakes. If I went as fast as you go, I would be out of breath”

When I first heard it, I really didn’t take much thought into it or let it really sink. But as I was on my way to work, something just sort of hit me. Did they just hit the head on the nail as far as how I’ve been living my life goes? Giving me advice of something I at times forget to do, like they knew all along things like that sometimes escape me?

But for some reason, once I had this realization of what all of this meant. I felt like it began right away. Like it was that final push over the fence to get me to the greener and brighter side of things. Although with that being said, it comes with it’s hardships as I’ve learned, but that’s ok.

We all live in this world where the only constant for us is change. A place where we’re all constantly on the move looking for the next best thing, or quickly trying to close in on our next chapter in life. Yet again hearing that advice, I really wonder why there is the rush. Maybe it doesn’t seem like a rush for everyone, but how many times have we blazed through something not realizing we’re affecting someone else in the process, while if we just took a little extra time, everything would be fine. Aside from time and quickness of accomplishment, the overall goodness, genuine quality and honesty is just as important.

Maybe it’s just me that I can find all this that helpful through the words of “Make sure you do good and admit your mistakes”, but maybe that’s what it takes. A word from someone who has been there, taken the time to realize the same thing themselves and passed it on. Now I started this whole thing off about odds and at this point it wouldn’t surprise me if yet again people are wondering if I’ve realized I’ve gotten off track by now, but I haven’t. I couldn’t even begin to count the amount of conversations I’ve had with this person. Yet all of a sudden this one became different. Stepping out from the regular topics of conversation, I felt they got to know me as more of a person than just another family member they see every holiday. And to me that is beating the odds, maybe it’s not in the best way whatsoever what we were just now having this conversation, but the fact that it happened and we learned more about each other and about ourselves (or at least I did).

I arrived home from work near 1 am this morning. Got word of a phone call from earlier in the night. I’m still unsure of how I’ll exactly take that information that I received, and if it was for the best or the worst. But what I do know is that in some way, a mentality was set through some defying of the odds that it wouldn’t be that simple conversation that I’ve had time and time again, but something more that I can see as some life guiding advice/difference maker.

Keep your eyes open, your ears open and talk with anyone who may need it. You’d be surprised what a few more words or seconds of listening could do.

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I have been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days aren't gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

Mainstream Anonymity

I’ve never quite been able to understand what makes the internet so addicting. Is it the immediate updates for anything news? The networking? The blogging? Who knows…For so many of us, it’s something I’m sure we would have a difficult time trying to go a month without. But then again, there are those people that do that. People that we encounter day in and day out that find the old-fashioned cliché of not needing new technology to live which I think may be one of the greatest things ever. It’s the people who don’t need that comfort zone. That shield people create to hide things and basically advertise other things about themselves.

Now maybe not everyone is guilty of this, but it could be even the smallest thing (and we’ll use Facebook as an example). Have you ever untagged yourself in a picture or deleted a picture because you felt embarrassed or just felt like you didn’t look good enough in it? Filled out of your About Me section, but left out one of the biggest parts of your life because you thought it might look a little better if it wasn’t there? Or for that matter, possibly stretching the boundaries to make yourself look a little more likeable?

Let’s face it, we’re living in a time where the majority of the people out there are star struck, create a “do-no-evil” view of themselves and ultimately, just want to be known. Yet the thing about all of this is that while we’re looking for that micro-celebrity fix trying to make ourselves up to be something we think is great, we’re playing for the opposing team. An anonymity of something millions of people do day in and day out just like you do. The people who live half way around the world from you, but share the same desires and hobbies as you do.

Now that I’ve said all this, it’s this exact thing that makes connection possible and amazing between our friends or even with completely unknown strangers that we may never meet.

Now before you start to ask, “Where the hell are you going with all of this?” I found a quote of logic and basic common sense that really stuck with me…

“New media creates new ways of knowing ourselves”

The more we associate ourselves with these places and sites that are so mainstream, the more we find the good and the bad we have going on in ourselves in addition to finding more and more people who share the same ideas, thoughts and goals as we ourselves do. It all creates a comfort level knowing maybe you aren’t the only one out there who feels a certain way about a certain subject. Or that you aren’t the only one fighting a certain battle.

And in addition to this, through the new ways of knowing ourselves, we uncover pieces of our past that open those new areas to finding people who were interested in the same things that you were. For example, I couldn’t tell you how many times I have seen someone all of a sudden just light up when talking about old 1990s Nickelodeon programs. Hearing the stories and the imaginative things, that as kids, people would think up finding the most joy you could ever imagine. Or even telling stories and somehow along the way, relating to something that may have happened which could then spark another story.

Yet while all of this is there in front of us, we don’t always see it. Not because we don’t want to, but because we get caught up in that star struck feeling of wanting to be known and not seeing the need of association. Whether we like to admit it or not, it makes life that much more calming knowing that out of the billions of people on this planet, you aren’t the only one going through a certain fate.

So how do people who don’t use the cliché Facebook, Myspace, Twitter find themselves to associate with others? Well hell…if I knew that I probably wouldn’t be here jabbing on about all of this. All in all, we all have our own ways of living life and finding that comfort zone be it through friends or friends. Although truth be told, a stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet.

I look at you, you bite your tongue
You don't know why or where I'm coming from
But in my head I'm close to you
We're in the rain still searching for the sun

You think that I want to run and hide
That I keep it all locked up inside but I just want you to find me

I'm not lost; not lost, just undiscovered
And when we're alone we are all the same as each other

You see the look that's on my face
You might think I'm out of place
I'm not lost, no, no, just undiscovered

Well the time it takes to know someone
It all can change before you know it's gone
So close your eyes feel the way I'm with you now
Believe there's nothing wrong

You think that I wanna run and hide
I'll keep it all locked up inside
But I just want you to find me
I'm not lost, I'm not lost, just undiscovered
And when we're alone we're all the same as each other
You see the look that's on my face
You might think I'm out of place
I'm not lost, no, no, just undiscovered

I'm not running
I'm not hiding
If you dig a little deeper you will find me

I'm not lost, not lost, just undiscovered
And when we're alone we're all the same as each other
You see the look that's on my face, you might think that I'm out of place
I'm not lost, no, no, just undiscovered

I'm not lost, not lost, just undiscovered
And when we're alone we're all the same as each other
You see the look that's on my face, you might think that I'm out of place
I'm not lost, no, no, just undiscovered

Would You Rather?

I always hear about these people who have some revelation about life and how they go about living it, and then change their ways completely. Most people like to call this revelation, prison, but for those of us who haven’t been there and still have this change of heart or whatever you want to call it, why does it happen?

Within the past 48 hours, I feel like I had one of those moments happen to me. We’re talking about something that’s happened before, more than once, and it just sorta hit me. It was along the lines of, “What in the hell am I doing and why haven’t I thought about this before?” It’s like putting yourself on auto pilot and just thinking, yeah yeah…no big deal, not like this is some life changing moment or anything. But then the more I think about it, I come to another question. A lot of these moments involved other people,so when do you draw the line between what is the best scenario for yourself and what’s best for everyone else? And which do you usually choose?

Going off to college has taught me a lot (including how to do my own laundry). You have to interact with all these different people day in and day out, you’re basically in your own “town” with all the dorms and what not going on around you. You’ll meet new friends, you’ll find out more about yourself and you’ll make decisions that could alter your life. We’ve all been there at one point or another, and of course there are those regrettable moments but hey…it happens. But that whole scenario thing comes into question yet again. Are you doing what is best for only you? Or best for everyone else? Now a lot of this can go off personality, yeah of course, but what really constitutes selfishness from self well-being?

Now I know this all seems like I’m asking question after question here, but it’s definitely something that should be in play although we don’t always tend to think about those kinds of things before we make our actions. Nine times out of ten we would all rather act/do act on impulse without reviewing the ups and downs of what could really end up happening in the long run. Then come along these revelations that all of a sudden make you realize you were stupid or did the wrong thing. It is things like this that drive me insane…absolutely insane. For anyone who knows me especially, I will act on emotion over logic 99% of the time for most things. My mood will swing what I decide on and what I end up doing overall…nonetheless possibly hindering other people’s lives in some way or perhaps benefiting them. Not a feeling anyone should really enjoy and it’s especially one that I don’t.

I do understand that much of the time, we don’t have this time to rethink things and we have to act quickly which leads to a more habitual decision. We’re all more comfortable with something we previously know about rather than the unknown. Or even when someone’s life is in your hands…

I think one of the best examples of something like this is medical care. I could honestly not tell you how much it amazes me that surgeons and other hospital staff are given hundreds if not thousands of lives to help heal every week. But not only through the doctors but the families of the patients themselves, if not the patient there are so many decisions that can send shockwaves through this entire group as a whole. Sometimes it’s not even the medical problem; for all you know it could be financial problems or even how your own home life can alter many things. What is best for the parties involved? What happens if an alternate route is taken? In many ways, we are all our own doctors having to go through all these kinds of decisions affecting other people’s lives. The CEOs of major companies hold the fates of thousands upon millions of employees and when it comes down to it, will they make the benefits to best himself or everyone else involved? A mother’s child has an event going on tomorrow night, but she has found extra hours to work when money is tight and they just happen to be the same time as her child’s event. What does she do? Bypass the event and go to work leaving the kid upset that no one was there? Or go to the event knowing that she had lost out on extra money to help her family? Ultimately, it’s a game of “would you rather?”

Like I said before, anything could be in play as far as decisions like this are concerned, but almost always are emotions at the core, the thing that can guide your final decision. Nothing like this comes easy once you think about it. Just look back at the most simple of decisions where someone else was involved…was the outcome good or bad? Did it help benefit everyone involved? Just you? The other person(s)?

Although I may never be able to understand the exact line between selfishness and self well-being, it’s an ongoing process. Slowly we all learn to work at these kinds of things, but only if we really want to. I know I want the best I can get for myself, but I know I would want the same for anyone else out there. This is the case with so many people, but everyone has a difficult time showing it on a 24/7 basis which sucks. But hey…we’re human; creatures of impulse and at times…downright stupid (including myself).

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.

But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big

Serenity

I realize not all of you may be religious, but this just made sense to me and I started writing...

For as long as I can remember, I've encountered setbacks and instances where I am unable to achieve what I set out to do or attempt to change those things that prevent me to do so. And be it odd that I find comfort in something that originated from AA meetings, it makes so much sense.

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace.

Since I heard the Serenity Prayer years ago, I’ve come back to it time and time again when I don’t know where to go, how to handle myself in situations, or just need a change of pace. I even ended up using it as the base for a speech I gave a few years back to a youth group and I ended up looking back at that the other night just to really see how I went about myself 3 years ago. And while I was reading it, so many things just began to hit me.

• Everyday I see hundreds of people across campus, constantly relying on one another to achieve certain goals, meet deadlines or just carry out their days. I’ve also seen what happens when someone fails in doing so and the other people involved just become lost. Truth is, no matter whom we are or what we do, if we can’t hold any sense of being independent from one another or feeling like we are unable to achieve anything by ourselves, we aren’t going to get very far. Especially being in college and with so much going on around me, my time here is all about independency. I can never rely on just one person, one friend or one professor; I am going to encounter things that I will have to go through myself such as finishing a term paper, creating a proper day-to-day schedule to keep myself on track, or just make decisions that could impact me for the rest of my life. Only God knows how many decisions I’ve already had to make on my own, but with every decision came a dwelling point which brings me to my next point…

• Dwelling on the past and taking the steps to move past it is easy for some and tough for others. The acceptance that it takes to take in what goes on around you, the courage to realize it and the strength to move on go hand in hand, day after day. People are always looking for something constant, but things that seem still are still changing whether we would like to face that fact or not, and it’s something we’ll face every day. It’s where the drama originates; it’s where people become frustrated with each other, where life takes its hardest hardships. For years I have admired the ability of some people to just move on past no matter what happens to them in their lifetime without even thinking twice about how personal something may be, but it also makes me wonder how much different things could be if we all took that effect.

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.
1 Corinthians 16:13

Last year, I met a woman who lost her family in the 9/11 attacks. In speaking with her, she said not a day goes by where she feels like there was something that she could have done to change what happened that day, but that all in all, what happened has happened and she must move on no matter what the circumstances. And even hearing the tone of her voice to the words she was saying, and even only knowing this woman for a few seconds just made me think about it…a woman had just lost her husband of 25 years and her twin daughters who had just graduated summa cum laude from the University of Pittsburgh, not to mention this was mostly the last family she had left and they were taken away from her. All of this was something I know I would have such a difficult time trying to overcome and probably to this day still wouldn’t be able to overcome. Tragedies of all kinds take strength, a calm mind and so much faith just to get by day in and day out.

“Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so take courage and do it."
Ezra 10:4

And to think that if someone like this woman was able to move past such a tough moment in her life, anyone should be able to say, “Hey…tomorrow is a brand new day, I need to live it one day at a time, enjoy one moment at a time and appreciate every possible second that I'm given, because no matter what may go wrong, there is the most simple of silver linings to everything.”

• I’ve never been able to understand wisdom, where it comes from, or if I’ll ever have any myself. I’ve made more than my share of foolish decisions, many which have hindered me from creating happiness for myself and for everyone around me without thinking things through or even asking for advice. And I couldn’t even begin to fathom how extremely wrong it is to just jump into something headfirst without thinking things through. I’ve been guilty of doing so time and time again, yet the more it happens, the more I learn. I may be completely selfish in doing so, but in so many instances I’ve realized the difference between what I can control and what I can’t. Which in terms, ends up bringing me right back to the beginning of the prayer.

• I’ve always been one to over-elaborate things I may encounter, but that is who I am and I can’t be disappointed with the fact that that is how things are. Yet over the past couple months, I have realized I’ve only been a mere shell of what I used to be. I have pushed people away, I have hurt those that I care about, I’ve focused on things that I shouldn’t be focused on, just not been the person I should be and thanks to that…lost close friends and people I care about.

But like I said, every time I feel lost or not myself, I find myself coming back to this prayer. It speaks for so many instances in life, especially lately and has ultimately made me realize so much: Take things a day at a time, realize and take in what happens around you no matter the smallest thing, never smother the things you love, respect anyone you come in contact with, enjoy every minute of life, and just accept the inevitable…it may be the last thing in the world you want, but sometimes you just have to learn to accept it as a pathway to peace.

I encourage everyone to go to this prayer any time things get tough. It has gotten me through a lot and helped me get back on track with life. It states one of life’s realizations in its greatest sense and to me… there is no better way to put it.

What If?

One phrase that has always bothered me for years upon years is the infamous, “What if?” theory.

Right now I sit typing away at my desk because that’s where my day has brought me.

But “what if” I decided to go out tonight? Where would I be? Sliding around the icy streets in my car? Sledding? Who knows.

“What if” I decide to sell off all my movies, games, car and laptop? What the hell would I spend my time doing?

“What if” the Cubs pulled off the trade for Jake Peavy? Who wouldn’t be a Cub anymore?

These are just a few things, some things I can’t even control, that could affect future events that I could partake in. We all face decisions like this day in and day out several hundred times a day with every step we take, every move we make (disregard the Police reference) and every thought we think. Yet it comes back around again, and whether we like to accept it or not, the “What if?” turns into an inevitability. And although it is inevitable, a phrase I always seem to hear is, “You can’t dwell on the past, it’s the future that counts”. As if you’re never to ask about the “What if’s?”

All in all, that can be one of the toughest phrases to accept when dealing in extreme circumstances such as terminal illness or death. How can you deal with life in the same sense knowing that a friend or family member is going to/ has died? How can you help from just asking what if? How can you not dwell on that one moment in time where you heard that news? Plain and simple, you can’t help but let it happen because its human nature as it always has been and always will be.

But then again…why does life have to be that way? Why does death happen at the most random of times leaving the rest of us to question ourselves, the paths we took to get to where we are and most importantly, why it had to happen? I have no clue like everyone else out there, but when I got to thinking about it and did a little reading as well, I realized a lot of things. I’ll just go in-depth with 2 of them.

1)
Chaos – A condition/place of great confusion and/or disorder

Randomness – Having no specific pattern, purpose or objective. In other words…complete disorder.

For a world that is supposedly free from all evil and chaos, there sure is a lot of stuff that happens that could be described as evil and chaotic. So what if we were left with the bit of control as to what we could change in life rather than everything just be set and created there for us? That the decisions we make shape what is going to affect people hundreds of years from now. Well…once again that sort of goes back to the whole several hundred times a day thing. It’s just a part of life. There’s no pointing of fingers and then all of a sudden something happens. It’s like the lottery no one wants to win when dealing with tragedies and all that stuff. But what if we were left with control and that is the reason for how we’ve become what we are leaving us with a bit of chaos out there.

2)
Going back to the randomness of events, what if we knew when it would be “our time” to go? Just how would that make you want to change the way you go about life? If one day you found out you were going to die 45 years, 3 months, 11 days, 17 hours, 9 minutes and 23 seconds from now, would it freak you out? Could you somehow alter that time? It’s nothing but a fantasy dream or whatever you want to call it, but the moral in all of this, is just the fact that some people make me absolutely sick about life. It’s the people who don’t appreciate anything given to them, who don’t recognize the goodness people show towards them and end up giving the cold shoulder in return. Is it honestly called for? In a way, it’s that main reason as to why I’m glad I don’t know when I will pass. Now I know I have been guilty of not being the nicest time and time again, but not knowing when death will happen just really makes you appreciate everything around you and the people around you as well. You never know what life is going to throw at you, so make the most of it, take the risks, do what you think is right (even if you’re torn between two things…hell…flip a coin if that helps) and just live it.

I’ve seen young friends and old family pass away over this last year. It has been beyond difficult trying to deal with those circumstances knowing that they were cheated from life and taken earlier than I know many of us would have wanted. But I can tell you one thing, I have thought about the “what ifs?” so many times I couldn’t even count and I know they all had the “anything goes” attitude which is something we all need to live with. Like the saying goes, you only live once. And that once is now, so live it to the fullest.

Do you dream, that the world will know your name
So tell me your name
Do you care, about all the little things or anything at all?
I wanna feel, all the chemicals inside I wanna feel
I wanna sunburn, just to know that I'm alive
To know I'm alive

Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon

Do you believe, in the day that you were born
Tell me do you believe?
Do you know, that everyday's the first of the rest of your life

Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon

This is to one last day in the shadows
And to know a brother's love
This is to New York City angels
And the rivers of our blood
This is to all of us, to all of us

Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon

You can tell me all your thoughts, about the stars that fill polluted skies
And show me where you run to, when no one's left to take your side
But don't tell me where the road ends, cause I just don't wanna know, No I don't wanna know

Don't tell me if I'm dying
Don't tell me if I'm dying
Don't tell me if I'm dying