What If?

One phrase that has always bothered me for years upon years is the infamous, “What if?” theory.

Right now I sit typing away at my desk because that’s where my day has brought me.

But “what if” I decided to go out tonight? Where would I be? Sliding around the icy streets in my car? Sledding? Who knows.

“What if” I decide to sell off all my movies, games, car and laptop? What the hell would I spend my time doing?

“What if” the Cubs pulled off the trade for Jake Peavy? Who wouldn’t be a Cub anymore?

These are just a few things, some things I can’t even control, that could affect future events that I could partake in. We all face decisions like this day in and day out several hundred times a day with every step we take, every move we make (disregard the Police reference) and every thought we think. Yet it comes back around again, and whether we like to accept it or not, the “What if?” turns into an inevitability. And although it is inevitable, a phrase I always seem to hear is, “You can’t dwell on the past, it’s the future that counts”. As if you’re never to ask about the “What if’s?”

All in all, that can be one of the toughest phrases to accept when dealing in extreme circumstances such as terminal illness or death. How can you deal with life in the same sense knowing that a friend or family member is going to/ has died? How can you help from just asking what if? How can you not dwell on that one moment in time where you heard that news? Plain and simple, you can’t help but let it happen because its human nature as it always has been and always will be.

But then again…why does life have to be that way? Why does death happen at the most random of times leaving the rest of us to question ourselves, the paths we took to get to where we are and most importantly, why it had to happen? I have no clue like everyone else out there, but when I got to thinking about it and did a little reading as well, I realized a lot of things. I’ll just go in-depth with 2 of them.

1)
Chaos – A condition/place of great confusion and/or disorder

Randomness – Having no specific pattern, purpose or objective. In other words…complete disorder.

For a world that is supposedly free from all evil and chaos, there sure is a lot of stuff that happens that could be described as evil and chaotic. So what if we were left with the bit of control as to what we could change in life rather than everything just be set and created there for us? That the decisions we make shape what is going to affect people hundreds of years from now. Well…once again that sort of goes back to the whole several hundred times a day thing. It’s just a part of life. There’s no pointing of fingers and then all of a sudden something happens. It’s like the lottery no one wants to win when dealing with tragedies and all that stuff. But what if we were left with control and that is the reason for how we’ve become what we are leaving us with a bit of chaos out there.

2)
Going back to the randomness of events, what if we knew when it would be “our time” to go? Just how would that make you want to change the way you go about life? If one day you found out you were going to die 45 years, 3 months, 11 days, 17 hours, 9 minutes and 23 seconds from now, would it freak you out? Could you somehow alter that time? It’s nothing but a fantasy dream or whatever you want to call it, but the moral in all of this, is just the fact that some people make me absolutely sick about life. It’s the people who don’t appreciate anything given to them, who don’t recognize the goodness people show towards them and end up giving the cold shoulder in return. Is it honestly called for? In a way, it’s that main reason as to why I’m glad I don’t know when I will pass. Now I know I have been guilty of not being the nicest time and time again, but not knowing when death will happen just really makes you appreciate everything around you and the people around you as well. You never know what life is going to throw at you, so make the most of it, take the risks, do what you think is right (even if you’re torn between two things…hell…flip a coin if that helps) and just live it.

I’ve seen young friends and old family pass away over this last year. It has been beyond difficult trying to deal with those circumstances knowing that they were cheated from life and taken earlier than I know many of us would have wanted. But I can tell you one thing, I have thought about the “what ifs?” so many times I couldn’t even count and I know they all had the “anything goes” attitude which is something we all need to live with. Like the saying goes, you only live once. And that once is now, so live it to the fullest.

Do you dream, that the world will know your name
So tell me your name
Do you care, about all the little things or anything at all?
I wanna feel, all the chemicals inside I wanna feel
I wanna sunburn, just to know that I'm alive
To know I'm alive

Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon

Do you believe, in the day that you were born
Tell me do you believe?
Do you know, that everyday's the first of the rest of your life

Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon

This is to one last day in the shadows
And to know a brother's love
This is to New York City angels
And the rivers of our blood
This is to all of us, to all of us

Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon

You can tell me all your thoughts, about the stars that fill polluted skies
And show me where you run to, when no one's left to take your side
But don't tell me where the road ends, cause I just don't wanna know, No I don't wanna know

Don't tell me if I'm dying
Don't tell me if I'm dying
Don't tell me if I'm dying